Sometimes, more so lately, songs speak volumes to me. I think I said this once: I’ve never really been a big music fan, but because I have learned to appreciate the value of my iPod more and more (yes, it’s no longer just for my preschool songs!), I am discovering a whole lot from the songs on it. I seem to particularly like music that are either the soundtrack of a movie or those played in television shows I love, such as those from Grey’s Anatomy and Private Practice.

Today (well, since last night should I say), however, the song in that found it’s way to my heart is the theme song of the movie Chronicles of Narnia, The Voyage of the Dawn Treader.

So when the screening of the movie ended, even though my friend Sarah and I were discussing the movie already, I found myself drawn to the music. So much so that for the first time, I stayed till the final credits were completely over just so I can see the title of the song. The part that I love most (well, I loved the whole song) and strikes me most are the following lines:

When the water meets the sky
Where your heart is free and hope comes back to life
Where these broken hands are whole again
We will find what we’ve been waiting for
We were made for so much more

We can be the kings and queens of anything if we believe.
It’s written in the stars that shine above
A world where you and I belong
Where faith and love will keep us strong
Exactly who we are is just enough
Yes there’s a place for us
Now there’s a place for us

So hold on now hold on
There’s a place for us

*sigh*

One reason why I think it spoke so loudly to me is because that’s exactly how I feel. So much so that earlier that day, I had said in a letter that I had written that I have never really understood things around me, nor trusted things that were unfamiliar and new to me, nor did I actually feel a part of anything (despite the fact that cognitively, I always know it’s my paranoia thinking that I’m not good enough or what not) but that for some reason, I think I have finally found myself starting to believe in those things.

However, maybe there’s still that part of me that’s not brave enough to truly embrace that yet, especially when it comes to things beyond just me. What I do know, however, is that I know I have also gotten to the point where I can say I am comfortable with who I am and where I am in my life’s journey, which is what allows me to become a Fat Girl No More and I’m learning day by day to be okay with that.

It’s just so interesting that a couple of days ago, I finally took the plunge and got myself inked. Before going to the tattoo place, my cousin was asking if I was sure about the design and that it should mean something. I told her it did. Actually, when I first made the decision to get my tattoo done, I already had the perfect design, or so I thought. However, in the past few months, so many wonderful changes have happened to me, the weight loss being only one of them, and that picture started to not fit anymore. And then out of the blue, I found the perfect one.

“Happiness is a butterfly, which when pursued, is always just beyond your grasp, but which, if you will sit down quietly, may alight upon you” - Nathaniel Hawthorne

It was perfect because it’s exactly who I am, and that’s enough even if it doesn’t meet up to others’ standards. It’s exactly as the song puts it…which is why I think it really moved me to tears.

The fairy symbolizes for me a sense of hope and optimism, two things I never really was quite good at believing when it came to things for myself. Ultimately, I’d like to believe that because of all the things that have happened to me this year, from the false starts, to unexpected detours, road bumps, and yes, occasional jump starts as well, I have found my way to that place that’s for me where hope and love live, despite life’s imperfections, even if I still go at it alone often times. At the end of the day, what make me say it is different this time is that that finally, I have learned not to chase butterflies and grasp them when they come, but to just sit quietly and know that when the time is right, they will come.