Gratitude unlocks the fullness of life. It turns what we have into enough, and more. It turns denial into acceptance, chaos into order, confusion into clarity.... It turns problems into gifts, failures into success, the unexpected into perfect timing, and mistakes into important events. Gratitude makes sense of our past, brings peace for today and creates a vision for tomorrow. - Melodie Beattie

When I finally got up from bed this morning, which was much later than usual because I was nursing a pain in my tummy, a random thought crossed my mind. I was in the bathroom brushing my teeth and I caught a glimpse of myself in the mirror and I suddenly I thought about rekindling my gratitude journal. I don’t know what sparked that thought, but for some reason it was there. Perhaps its because of where I am in my life’s journey right now. Perhaps its because I am at a place of contentment and peace right now, and I found a definition of happiness which works for me. It is this that I actually think is my little secret in this weight loss journey and battle against obesity. Whatever it is, I just know there is so much for me to be grateful about, despite all the chaos and discontent, and the necessary pains that still exist around me that I must go through.

1. Fond memories, despite twinges of pain and sadness every now and then. Every once in a while I miss certain people, places and things that have meant so much to me in the past. Today I recognize their value in my life…think of it a little bit, drop some light and love and remember to not hold on too tightly to the memories so it will not have to power to consume me. So I sit still with it, give it the space it needs then I let it go and move on.
2. Bubba. While I never imagined welcoming a dog into my life after all, for those who don’t know, I HATE DOGS. Seriously, I do. But Bubba came in and crept so stealthily into my heart and stole it…he made me fall in love with him and I am simply grateful that I allowed him (and myself) to do so.
3. Being born into my family. Although I may often feel like I don’t “get” my family, or that they don’t me for that matter, I realize that despite the fact that I often think differently from them and fail to see things the way they do, it’s a good place to be in Every once in a while I may wish that things were different, but I know if it were, I wouldn’t be who I am today if that were the case.
4. My Lolo, my hero. I am who I am today because of his unconditional love and support for me always. I miss him every day, more so in the past few weeks. And yes, while sometimes it pains me and makes me cry to think of him, I wouldn’t give it up for anything.
5. Monday lunches, Movie Nights and Margaritas. ’nuff said.
6. Days filled with bright sunshine and the cool, dark shadow of rain. These are stark reminders for me to welcome the bright and sunshiney side of me, as well as to honor the dark and twisty side of myself, knowing full well that these are essential elements in making me who I am.
7. Rainbows, literally and figuratively. Every now and then, albeit quite rarely, I am gifted with a beautiful rainbow in the sky. Every time this happens, I can’t help but be reminded of how blessed I am, despite all the difficulties I may be facing and no matter how many twists and turns I face in my journey. I know am even more blessed with the reminder that rainbows are always present, whether I see them or not. And yes, these rainbows never reveal themselves except during the most perfect time.
8. Randomness and Synchronicity.Yes, I know these seem to be very unrelated concepts but lately I cannot help but be grateful for how all the random things that occur happen to be the most pivotal moments in my life. They may come in different forms, such as random Plurks, quotes or text messages that speak volumes, or pleasant, unexpected surprises from people near and dear to me, and even opportunities that I never imagined for me and just come up serendipitously. Whatever way it appears, I am grateful for the chance to have it in my life. I am especially thankful for those who remind me of how wonderfully connected we all are, such as my soul friend Jane. This post, for all intents and purposes, started out as one of those random yet very synchronous events.
9. My Kindred Spirit, my Soul Sister, Pia…my Vitamin Pi I have told her this many times over, but I will say it again here: everyday I thank God for giving me the gift of her. I have grown so much and become a much better person simply because of her presence in my life.  At one point in the beginning of our friendship, I questioned why it happened. I couldn’t fathom how and why we became so close very quickly despite the fact that we only happened to be colleagues at the DLSU Psychology Department. In the almost six years I have been teaching there, I never once felt that kind of a connection to anyone else but for some reason, with her, it just happened. In fact, I don’t think it has really ever happened before, even with my really good friends (oh don’t get me wrong: it’s not that they’re not special to me. This just happens to be very, very different).  It felt very natural for us to have become friends but never in my wildest dreams would I have thought that it would run this deep and be as meaningful as it is today. And yes, this despite the fact that we really only became friends in…um….July? But sometimes I feel like I’ve known her forever and she knows more of me than even my oldest friends do. For now, I have learned to stop questioning why we clicked the way we did, and, as she put it so wonderfully, I can now believe that it happened just because. All I am left with is deep gratitude and the knowledge that I am beyond blessed. My world is definitely a much better place because of her. It is through her that I can now believe again in love and in second chances…and that while it may not be here for me yet,  it will happen. I have learned to trust in people’s motives and know that there are indeed people who love me not for what I can give but for who I am inside and out.  She has shown me, whether purposely or not, how to really laugh with sincerity, how to take a time out to just be still and to breathe or perhaps to cry a little, and how to find balance in spite of turbulent waters.  I can now give of myself without losing all of me, and I can take from others without taking too much.  Through her I have come to know that time, space and distance between friends are just that: time, space and distance, but that the feelings and connection shared between them does not change and that despite it all, true friends never really disappear nor abandon you when things get messy.  More than anything, I think, I have begun to understand what forgiveness, healing, acceptance, moving on, and contentment is really all about because she is in my life.
10. The gift of my heart…both in writing and in art. I am grateful that in the past few months I have found my heart again and while bits and pieces have been given away to people and things around me, and while it may have been broken every now and then, it is still a perfectly beautiful whole for myself. And in my process of trying to heal my heart, I am grateful to know that I have also healed others along the way…what was that Elizabeth Gilbert said in Eat Pray Love?

When we go out into the world to find a way to heal ourselves, often we find that we find that we help everyone along the way

And so as I have found myself to being whole, happy and healed, I am thankful to all of you who read my blogs and leave me random bits of you…whether as words of affirmation or in gratitude, or by simply dropping by and taking a little bit of me with you without me necessarily knowing it.

I can only pray and sincerely hope that somewhere along my way, I, too, can inspire you and touch your lives as many, many wonderful people have touched mine.