I wrote this a couple of days ago, on the 10th of March to be exact, but I did it on my mobile phone and hadn’t had the time to update it here till now

Last week I went full circle in terms of how I feel about myself and my being overweight. Learning to be comfortable (I wouldn’t really call it content because I am really trying to change it) with my weight can really be a struggle. Once in a while, I am able to feel confident enough about it but for the most part, it really taps in to my insecurities.

Take for example my last trip to Coron. Did you know that they weight you at the counter when you check in??? For most girls being weighed on its own is already a emotionally challenging task but for someone like me, having it done in front of other passengers is gut-wrenching. To be fair, the numbers are not seen by everybody but a fair number of people around you do get to see it. Island hopping and other beach experiences is also a reservoir of embarassment for a fat gir like me. Boatmen for example, make little comments that range from attempting to be funny to giving unsolicited advice on how to lose weight. Shopping is another heat-breaker. I hate how sometimes when I look at stuff on a shelf, the saleslady will immediately say ‘ay wala kang size diyan, Ma’am’ in a condescending tone. Ouch. Although to give credit where credit is due, many salesladies are now more accommodating and try to offer options for those who are larger than the typical customer.

While many of the day to day experiences can be anxiety provoking, there are some that can flatter you on occasion. For example, I was shopping in a store recently and saw this nice blouse. I tried it on and the saleslady caught a glimpse and said it looked good on me. I dismissed it as sales talk and commented it made my butt look big. She replied in Cebuano, ‘dako man lubot mo ma’am pero seksi pa din gyud! Ako dai lubot e, gusto ko ganyan! Sila JLo nga ganyan lubot e’ (it may be big ma’am, but it’s still sexy. I wish I had a larger bottom because I don’t have a butt like that, it’s like JLo’s). Flattery indeed. Also in my trip to Coron, the boat operator overheard my comment about me being large to my friend and he commented that even if I’m overweight, I have good proportions, unlike other women who are large and aren’t shapely. I guess at the end of the day, weight issues are really like that…they swing from good to bad, just like anything else. I wish, however, there were more ups then downs!!!